the 100th, end of this chapter

31 DEC 2010, my 100th post,

the day my sem 3 end,

the day my kampar life end,

i should be happy,

but i really feel hard for everything..

to all my friend, i really feel hard to leave u guys,

im glad that i choose foundation in science january intake,

cause i met u all here,

all of u spark my life...

first day i stay at kampar,

tears kept rolling after my parents leave,

im just a girl,

i wish to be with my parents all the time..

life doesn't allow me to do so,

i went to kampar,

start my foundation journey..

i met a lot of friend here,

my first hang ten blue gang,

T4 group: nigel, jh, sze yee, weng yan, chong wei,

jason woo, ivan soon, baby....

our first time bbq with long gor,

4 flowers lay on basketball field to chat,

our first presentation is abortion...

our mechanics are shit,

we always study in group,

go to school by cycling in group,

i miss to prepare breakfast for u guys..

ah woo always help me in report,

chong wei always teach me in mechanic,

nigel always scold me didnt study,

weng yan always share her love story with me,

sze yee always reject to come out n skype at home,

while about jia hui is so long.........

our most pretty flower in group,

always surrounded by beessssssss,

been stalk cause of she,

i just company she la,

so is she is been stalk n im beside she...

that is my sem 1..

coming to sem 2,

i met a lot of problem,

thx to everyone around me,

thx to edan for chat and comfort me at starbuck,

thx to shui shui for being my ear,

thx to wawa for his wordless joke,

thx to sze yee for company me,
thx to weng yan for her caring,

thx to alvin for his samaritan,

thx to veronica for cheer me up...

just dun want to thx to jh,

cause she leave me...

but she is always my bestie,

same to all of them..

i love to sing k with edan,

i love to tell jh everything in my heart,

i love to talk to shuhui about my life,

i love to let sze yee bully me...

i still can remember first time we go bash party,

not interesting but i like to hang out with them,

i love to cook for everyone..

i learn to be a better girl,

appreciate everything i had,

thx for being with me when i need,

that is sem 2..

lastly, sem 3..

everyone seem to be more pressure,

but we are more and more close to each others,

lepak around kampar,

chit chat all the time...

celebrate each others birthday,

and work hard for exam together..

i like to revise with them,

we are never alone...

i still remember the taste of porridge tht shuhui cook for me,

the thing we play when sze yee study with me,

whatever wawa did to my elephant,

the way ivan soon perli me,

and edan chang love to put his hp at xxx when drive..

finally we reach the last part,

misunderstanding was solve,

everything seem to be perfect,

but we have to leave,

and go in different direction.

we are sad but we can do nothing,

when the time passing,

we are moving forward,

everything will change,

but our friendship is still the same,

life in kampar is so memorable,

everything is so precious to me..

i love january intake,

i like everyone in my class,

im nt close to some of them,

but i will remember everyone there..

flowers...

edan and me

T4

HANG TEN

winter solstice

oh my..........i make a lot of tang yuen...

and i didn't sleep more than a day now...

damn tired, my mind is empty this moment,

but im happy, i done a big task...

i make tang yuen to more than 30 peoples..

Proud of myself and my teammate, 

lets welcome ch'ng sze yee and tan siok hui!!

Besides, my helper edan chang and dave chet,

they prepare soup for us..

we did more than 2000 tang yuen,

and in 7 colours...

wow....that really amazing,

although i feel we are quite ridiculous,

we enjoy everything we did today...

we are tired, but everything is worth,

feel quite sorry to waste their time,

wish that they do really enjoy everything today,

i get the warmness from them,

a lot a lot...

my family at kampar,

appreciate every moment they we can chit chat,

sing and laugh like nonsense...

and i fall in love to edan chang and dave chet's ABC soup,

i making a hard decision,

who should i marry to...

WOOTZ..

sister

my only sister, 
a special one in my life,
a quiet character in my family..
i am sad after a long chat with she,
what she told me make me feel i do owe she a lot,
"daddy always put u at the first place,
mummy always put brother at the first place,
sometime i am thinking,
why no body love me like u all,
i am going to cry when thought of this,
do they know they make feel so sad.."
even i try my best to give she all the best is also not enough,
she need the attention from parents,
even some caring words is enough for she to happy,
but i could do nothing for she..
i try to talk to my parents,
i do understand they already give all the best to us,
but the best is not equally distribute,
she is the unlucky one...
as a sister i can do nothing for her,
so helpless..

home again

wohoo...home again soon, 

so glad that i am going home tommorow,

quite a long time i didn't went home,

i miss my home so much,

miss my daddy and mummy so much,

i am so happy that i can celebrate daddy's birthday with him,

i am so excited that i am going to see my belovedssss again,

teddy, joey and louis,

mummy coming home soon...

i want to on diet,

but i think is hard to on diet when i go home..

princess is home,

they will give me all the best,

one of that is FOOD,

oh my......

whats a big temptation,

postponed my diet plan,

HAIZ...

apologize

i know they are worrying me,
i know they are missing me,
i know i always make them in trouble,
i know i shouldn't be so selfish,
i know they will not scold me,
i know they always put me at the first place,
i know they love me very much,
the last time for this kind of trouble,
im sorry,
i will not make you all worry anymore..

weekday trip

i almost forget about the final exam,

forget about everything and get crazy,

i love my weekday so so much..

a nice weekends at penang,

that is a food trip,

our first aim is food and the second is beach...

ARGHXXX... we are crazy for that,

we need more time to be there,

we haven't taste all the food in our list,

and about the beach,

i love the feeling of step on the sand with my naked feet,

love every moment we being together,

that's awesome...

a night at tune's hotel,

a funny night,

toilet without lock,

12 hours air-conditioner service need extra charge,

but it mentioned that it have a five-star bed,

i think i should agree with that,

because it enough for four of us to sleep..

hahax..

nice lunch at the ship,

sad that i don't know to enjoy beef,

mutton is still ok for me only,

my beloved is still chicken chop and fish and chip,

don't laugh at me,

that is my taste..=)

a deal with hard rock hotel,

next time i am going to stay overnight there,

reserved for the ground floor room,

i need to learn swimming before i went there again,

i need to on diet and i am going to wear bikini on top..

we spend our friday and saturday at penang,

and immersed ourselves in hot spring on sunday,

hot spring at night really make me feel relax,

i am so enjoy,

feel peace with that,

my holiday is end,

i am going to sleep, recharge myself,

tommorow i am going to begin my exam preparation..

end of my mid-term

welcome to december, wohoo!!
my mid-term finally end..
i damn enjoy the feeling now,
so free without test's pressure,
i need to relax myself for a short time,
rearrange my sem3 note,
then i need to start my exam subject revision..
i am so glad when i found that my math got good coursework mark,
i am going to fly up to sky cause of that small matter,
at least i prove to myself,
i can get anything i want...<3<3<3
final's exam schedule was out,
i am quite worry bout that,
need to put more effort this time..



i cleaned my room today,
and i cooked a lot of green bean soup,
send it to my friends and my housemate,
share all my happiness with them,
then i found that my happy really been doubled..
i love that feeling,
love the world with peace..
i am glad that people around me are so kind,
i am the lucky one,
i do learn a lot from them..

human should be friendly to each other,
should be helpful when others need,
should care each others feeling,
then the world will be lovely..
wohoo!! 

mine

i know everything,

i appreciate everything i own,

admit that i have lost a lot of things.

now i am awake,

i know what i want,

i know what i am doing now,

i am trying to get back everything i lost.

and everything belong to me..

build up

Today i had my electromagnetism,

when i am fighting against it yesterday,

i get a call from my daddy,

he told me he is attending my cousin wedding ceremony.

I am quite shocked about that,

i thought she will never get married.

I am sad that i couldn't attend,

that is one of my wish since im a kid,

i had promised to be her bridesmaid,

i thought i can hold the DV and help she to record the process,

i thought i can be there with her....

she colour my childhood,

she company me for every birthday when i am a kid,

came from JB to Perlis just to wish me..

she appear in more than half of my childhood's picture,

she is one of the people that build me up..

they help me when i fall down,

they taught me to be proud of myself,

they tell me i am the precious one,

they say nobody is worth to make me cry,

because they are always with me..

their unlimited love,

is the best part in my life..

she is so kind,

she deserved to get happy and peaceful life,

i do wish that she can have a whole new life,

like what she had been told me..

cold down

now is mid-term 2 season,
feel damn tired,
i cant wake up in time every morning,
feel so angry bout this,
i need to have a new alarm...
nearby im addicted to a game,
TRAIN CONDUCTOR,
spend a lot of times on it,
omg, i need to control myself better...
and im SICK,
flue and sore throat company me all days long,
so bek chek,
i think i need some time to recover..
i need to cold down myself,
reschedule everything again,
change a method let everything better...
PISSED OFF..

殊途

每个人拥有不同的命运，

不同的造化造就今天的我们,

由此诠释自己的人生。

瞳孔放映着眼前所有美好的事物，

用羡慕去反应他人的幸福快乐，

路过的不过是风景，

再美丽也不能拥有，

梦魔的诅咒回旋在耳际，

没有谁的梦想可以成真，

何必要求那些璀璨的片刻，

拥有得再多失去是同等比例，

多幸福就多痛苦，

走在自己的轨道上，

放片镜子在面前，

至少我看见的是自己的美丽。

zero

end of zero dynasty, i will start a new journey,

with some others beside me,

i will never be alone,

i know about this,

family and friendship is always surround me..

i told myself that is the last time,

i will never make myself down again,

for anyone...

my friend back,

my room is empty again,

haiyo, i must study dy....

stranger

i still can remember the way he talk to me,

the way he smile to me,

and concentrate on everything about me,

she changed you,

and my decision change you too...

he told me he feel sad for her,

i was shocked,

he is telling me he sad for another girl..

can i say fuck off? oh my.......

come on, i shouldn't be a rough girl,

whatever la, just ignore everything..

desperate for shopping now,

i want to buy a lot of clothes,

but firstly i really need to cut down my weight..

that eelynn hoe break my diet plan,

i am going to knock her head for this matter...

YERR!!!

we belong together,

i know we will be together,

but why i can't get the feeling back,

pissed off...

i am forgetful, 

i will forget it when i awake...

nothing and everything

actually that is same for nothing and everything,

u will never can own everything forever,

when we leave the world we bring nothing along,

maybe just like what they said in the movie,

we can only bring along memories,

long or short, it also is a part of what we own....

if the memories is short than just slow down the preview speed,

then u will feel better....

what i believe and confidence in was gone,

but i think should be okay,

i still have a lot in my life....

i came to the world alone,

and i will leave alone,

i came with pure,

i leave with memories...

i want to be the only girl,

the only one that you love,

either nothing or everything.

if u can't make it,

then i will choose another path,

don't exceed my limit...

today

u told me u want to come,

i tell myself at the same time,

not to believe..

until no tears then i found,

what for i make myself become like this,

i will disappear from his world totally,

a promise to myself,

after today,

even we met at the road,

i will tend to be a stranger...

he force me to become like this,

then i accept...

thanks jia hui for her calls,

thanks shu hui for want to cook for me,

thanks sze yee for the warm hug and what u said,

thanks edan for pay me a visit...

thanks zero for hurt me deeply,

then i will not fall anymore..

i will remember today

brave

finally i can sleep tight,

too many days i didn't sleep well,

walking under the rain untill i get flu,

used up all the energy,

break down then take a sleep..

no more nightmare,

but i do have a sweet dream,

i know, it is a comfort from god...

i forget what i have dream,

it is something i shouldn't remember so i forget..

a wrong call make me awake,

i thought is you,

when i heard that sound i smile to myself,

girl, you always think too much...

my last day of holiday,

i saw jia hui and phei's msg,

but i didn't plan to reply,
leave me alone first,

i want to stand up myself...

不要爱到委曲求全，

当你卑微时还是要受伤，

那就收起来，

没有谁会因为失去了谁而活不下去，

我说过的话我要实现。

pieces

离别只是为了延续永恒的华丽，
我记得我很喜欢这句话，
我应该适应这句话。
习惯依赖着你，
好像是理所当然，
所以从来不说谢谢。
总是严厉的对你，
控制你的生活，
你已经不适应那种关心。
我不说，以为你会懂，
就算不懂，我以为你的爱可以让你离不开我，
荒唐的想法，我终究是个凡人。
我以为自己不一样，
可以让你那么久的时间离不开我，
开始自我嘲笑，太讽刺了。
对你总是可以肆无忌惮，
可以假装不爱，
却还是个高贵的公主被你捧在手心。
离开吧，我也讨厌自己了，
为什么总是这样，
我也累了，不要爱了，
一觉醒来，我会努力忘记，
不会记得你的一切。
不再挣扎，任由你伤害我，
你说不是在报复，
撕心裂肺的感觉我记得了，
没有欠你了。
那一年对你微笑的女孩，
今夜真的死了，
被无助被伤害杀死了。

deciding

daddy is sick now,

but he is worrying me,

i feel quite sorry to him...

he is asking me about the transfer matter,

he allowed, but suddenly i feel don't want to leave,

can i restart everything again...

just like the CHARMS,

burn their house and change their look,

reappear in this world,

with another identity,

but i don't even want the memory...

i feel so confuse about the trip,

what you mean now?

it is meaningless,

why i didn't reject,

i am wondering...

but is ok,

just hold it,

we will forget..

suddenly everything become tasteless today,

this make me shock,

thanks phei to be the first one comfort me...

a spoon of salt brought my sensor backed..

then, this is my holiday,

three day passed,

i did nothing but day dreamsss....

have a trip to edan chang's room,

a fabulous scene appear in front of me..

i am immersed in the diamond fragrances,

telling myself be tough,

falling in love to that smell,

it is more lasting than love...

GORGIO ARMANI - DIAMOND, EDP

break?

i feel quite funny when you ask me is it i want you to break with she,
are you kidding with me?
no, everything already happend,
then we just follow the script as you wish,
you have a new girl and i found my new guy,
lasting or not is not important,
i just need someone to love,
someone to take care of my heart,
its already broken now,
so whoever is alright for me,
cause it won't get hurt anymore...
continue my bitchy life,
i am not the girl you know,
you can just ignore me for your new girl,
don't make me wait for your msg or call,
we are nobody for each others now...
don't you tell me how deep is your love after you leave,
what respond should i pay you?
i should say thanks ya, or i am glad to hear that,
so confuse.....

kinda damn tired with this fucking life,
darling no more tears,
i should smile even is fake one,
when we meet up again,
you may not recognize who am i..
i shouldn't hate you,
but honestly i am...
i should congratz you,
sorry for late...

so now life is going on,
what i am waiting for...
i want to change a cupboard of new clothes,
shop like a shopaholic,
buy some new fragrance,
surround with noise and crazy...

reschedule

unblock company me until i saw the sun again,

but i din feel tired,

maybe like this i will feel better..

my room is damn untidy,

my mood is damn complicated,

my mind is damn full,

my heart is damn empty,

hate this type of fucking life...

alright, i will try to reschedule myself today,

so i need to

1. clean up my room

2. wash my clothes

3. tidy up my cupboards

4. rearrange my notes

5. print new notes

6. check exam timetable and chapter scope

7. done my math tutorial 3

8. memorize organic chemistry mechanism

9. redo tutorial for thermodynamics

10. reread text book for modern biology till chapter 5

11. copy back all answer for semester 3 subjects.

no more unblock, i want to done my jobsss,

its gonna be a busy day...

hehe...yippy!!

jia hui is not coming back,

she is so busy now,

all of us work hard together,

we are going to face the mid-term test again!

week 8 untill week 11 is going to busy like hell,

life will rush for study group and library,

oh my darling spirit,

please fall in love to the knowledge ya,

i need catch up so many things at once...

so challenging..

crazy on everything

OMG, i want to cut down my weight,

in any way.......

somebody tell me,

you know why girl is either too fat or too thin?

girl that is too thin because she use all her money to shopping,

so she have no money for food,

girl that is too fat because she use all her money to eat,

so she don't need to decorate herself....

ermm....then i better choose to be the first type!!<3<3<3

poison

是我把自己弄得不开心，

是我让自己陷入痛苦，

是我让一切发生，

爱情对我只是毒药，

总是让我痛不欲生，

一次又一次的受伤，

哭着醒来，哭着睡去，

我不需要折磨自己，

我要的是那么简单，

让生命像一张白纸，

拥有过就算了。

对不起，我是讲不听的死小孩，

我会尽快把自己打理好。

night

worrying my home,

flood is quite danger already,

i don't want my parents to face any problem,

im so sorry that my puppies make them in trouble...

feel so sad bout this,

everything come together,

i am so worry now..

dreaming

skip a class, i really feel unwell,
not physically, but mentally,
continue to sleep...
until i awake, thinking should i go school,
and finally i decided to go,
today have two practical...
my caring "mopeng" didn't let me walk to school,
so touch..
start my day with a sundae cone and hash brown,
but i didn't finish both of that,
maybe im not hungry...
miss chan saw i copy shui shui report,
felt so sorry to she,
i should be more alert..
after class, we went to 88,
but today have no mood to eat,
cancel my lunch,
and about dinner,
i just feel to stay in my room..
when i let go something for my family and future,
i should live better...
deactivate my facebook,
i want to leave there for some time,
concentrate in my study first,
coming test is like hill...
and today is a funny day,
i found my purse,
somebody gave back to me,
a meaningless purse backed..

i know i should get scold,
sorry for make you guys worried,
i am getting better,
day by day...

骄傲

喜欢那会杀死人的冷漠，

喜欢那被放弃的感觉，

更喜欢一个人。

lost

wakup up late again, this is normal for me,
but maybe i have not enough rest,
so i am quite blur,
forgot to take my lunch,
when i feel hungry then i only start to find my purse,
then only i found it lost,
haiz....
whats a bad day,
hate that feeling so much...
felt so sorry to my parents,
i shouldn't make so many troubles to them,
especially is now, hometown is flooding,
damn tired day, i want to take a long rest,
tomorrow will be a new day,
i will smile like usual,
surround by noise,
and i tend to forget bout what had happend before..
just a purse, meaningless,
just a call, whatever,
just some nonsense,
what to care...
thanks for who helpped me today,
especially that "mopeng" that send me to police station,
although he say i am a trouble maker,
i won't angry him...
cause i am,
admit that...
thanks to phei and long bro,
my "dad" very rich so i will have enough money use la...
damien, i will very becarefull next time,
thanks sze yee and others that had helped me..
ivan, edan, wawa and shui shui say they want to share to buy sundae cone for me,
so pity lo me, and ivan say no chocolate topping....
i laugh when i heard that,
thats the end of my sadness..


i grow in love,
i am learning to be independence now...
what i lost today is not only my purse,
i lost at the same time,
i haven wakup from my dream,
so i continue sleep and will awake tommorow...
p/s: maybe when i awake, i will found my purse on table,
and everything is just a nightmare..

海市蜃楼

心寒时有种冲动，
想飞往没有过去的未来，
正如徐徐暖风，
仍然空洞但温暖。
至少我忘了夜里的泪水，
那冷到骨子里的无助，
也许当我忘了一切，
我会有种幸福的幻想。
爱情，我配不起它，
这场游戏代价太大。

chill out and relax

sleep until awake this morn,
today i recharge myself successfully,
feel more refresh and getting better...
so surprise when someone ask me tht izit im feeling unwell,
thx for his care,
im better now...
den hang out wif edan n damien to tanjung malim,
pass by meloh,
i fall in love to the wan tan mee,
it make me feel unforgettable...
damien brought us walk around tanjung malim,
a piece town,
mayb i can live ther when im old,
drive for one hour reach KL,
drive for one hour reach genting,
drive for one hour reach kampar,
drive for one and half hour reach ipoh,
whats a excellent location...
dinner with damien's family,
we went to a quite unique stall,
there got a super spicy dish,
bihun with pepper taste soup,
i can feel the hot on my face after i drink the soup,
and it make me diarrhea,
cause i not so used to spicy food...
BUT i really love it...
maybe i can success to cut down my weight!!
on the way back kampar we stopped at tapah tol,
because today is 31st,
baskin robin have promotion,
i bought a small basket,
and i finish it with my friend...
i am quite regret now,
i thought that ice cream can't keep overnight,
it maybe not fresh,
but i am wrong,
i should buy a big one...
end of today,
a happy trip,
but quite miss my big face gor gor now, damien
is ok, we gonna meet up very soon la...

glad that i am healthy now,
i will take good care on myself,
i am my everything..

when we being together

my beloved jia hui back for two days...
im damn happy,
kampar is a amazing place when she is here,
some more damien is here too,
really awesome...xP
quite a long time we didn't jog around the lake,
walk around the taman,
chat at the bus stop,
cook n eat together with a big gang....
i miss every moment we have so so much...

just something sad happened in front of us,
when we were on the way home from dinner with senior,
a car knock on a motorcycle,
we stopped down and try to help them..
i didn't wear my lenses that night,
i can't see everything clearly,
im not dare to walk near,
i feel so sorry bout that,
i just can stand at the roadside and call ambulance,
luckily my senior is so brave,
he went there and tried to help the couple..
may everything is just a nightmare,
wish that couple is all right...
luckily jia hui is beside me,
admit that i am a tiger with a mouse brave..

we capture a lot of pictures this few days,
because it is a beautiful memory for us..
count down for final,
count down for the day we leave kampar,
count down for the day we hang out again..

when we being together,
we talk non-stop,
chit-chat about everything in life..
when we being together,
there are only laugh and happiness,
no sadness in our dictionary...
i love the way edan talk,
i love the way jia hui smile,
i love the way damien sing,
i love every moment we being together...
jia hui leave again,
and we gonna meet up soon,
damien leave tommorow,
he will be my senior at PJ very soon too...XP
edan and i leave soon,
we move towards them...

middle part

days are passing like the flowing water,
half of the semester already passed,
semester, we come from different place,
get to know each others,
help, play, chat, quarrel...
we do enjoy our life,
own a lot of sweet memories..
semester 2, we face a lot of trouble.
some friendship test,
some love failure,
some result pressure,
and so on...
we success in some part,
failed in some part,
and we came to the last...
semester 3, this is not my last semester,
but i ll leave here too...
change a place,
have a whole new life..
tried to catch down every moment,
record every happy scene..
i heard the voice of the door is opening,
the door that i will step out from kampar..


nearby i did sth wrong,
feel so sorry to them,
im quite pressure,
i ll try to contact them more recent,
not to make them worry...
daddy, mummy,
i miz u all so much...

final spirit

is around 4:30 now...
not evening, bt is early in the morning,
book company for a day,
i wish tht i ll addicted to it,
make myself fall in love to it,
as deep as possible...
organic chemistry be my hubby,
thermodynamics be my beloved,
mathematics be my boyfriend,
then maths 2 be my lover..
wootz!! my life is full wif love,
i wish so very much...
went to starbuck today,
coffee make me relax,
feel so good to sit at starbuck,
rushed for a day,
it make me feel my time ve slow down..
i like cream so much,
but it do make me fat,
promise myself,
no more milk, no more mcd..
seriously....
end of a day,
2moro is the last preparetion for my exam,
i wanna study until the max i can..
MAINTAIN MY FINAL SPIRIT,
TRY MY BEST..