mine

i know everything,

i appreciate everything i own,

admit that i have lost a lot of things.

now i am awake,

i know what i want,

i know what i am doing now,

i am trying to get back everything i lost.

and everything belong to me..

build up

Today i had my electromagnetism,

when i am fighting against it yesterday,

i get a call from my daddy,

he told me he is attending my cousin wedding ceremony.

I am quite shocked about that,

i thought she will never get married.

I am sad that i couldn't attend,

that is one of my wish since im a kid,

i had promised to be her bridesmaid,

i thought i can hold the DV and help she to record the process,

i thought i can be there with her....

she colour my childhood,

she company me for every birthday when i am a kid,

came from JB to Perlis just to wish me..

she appear in more than half of my childhood's picture,

she is one of the people that build me up..

they help me when i fall down,

they taught me to be proud of myself,

they tell me i am the precious one,

they say nobody is worth to make me cry,

because they are always with me..

their unlimited love,

is the best part in my life..

she is so kind,

she deserved to get happy and peaceful life,

i do wish that she can have a whole new life,

like what she had been told me..

cold down

now is mid-term 2 season,
feel damn tired,
i cant wake up in time every morning,
feel so angry bout this,
i need to have a new alarm...
nearby im addicted to a game,
TRAIN CONDUCTOR,
spend a lot of times on it,
omg, i need to control myself better...
and im SICK,
flue and sore throat company me all days long,
so bek chek,
i think i need some time to recover..
i need to cold down myself,
reschedule everything again,
change a method let everything better...
PISSED OFF..

殊途

每个人拥有不同的命运，

不同的造化造就今天的我们,

由此诠释自己的人生。

瞳孔放映着眼前所有美好的事物，

用羡慕去反应他人的幸福快乐，

路过的不过是风景，

再美丽也不能拥有，

梦魔的诅咒回旋在耳际，

没有谁的梦想可以成真，

何必要求那些璀璨的片刻，

拥有得再多失去是同等比例，

多幸福就多痛苦，

走在自己的轨道上，

放片镜子在面前，

至少我看见的是自己的美丽。

zero

end of zero dynasty, i will start a new journey,

with some others beside me,

i will never be alone,

i know about this,

family and friendship is always surround me..

i told myself that is the last time,

i will never make myself down again,

for anyone...

my friend back,

my room is empty again,

haiyo, i must study dy....

stranger

i still can remember the way he talk to me,

the way he smile to me,

and concentrate on everything about me,

she changed you,

and my decision change you too...

he told me he feel sad for her,

i was shocked,

he is telling me he sad for another girl..

can i say fuck off? oh my.......

come on, i shouldn't be a rough girl,

whatever la, just ignore everything..

desperate for shopping now,

i want to buy a lot of clothes,

but firstly i really need to cut down my weight..

that eelynn hoe break my diet plan,

i am going to knock her head for this matter...

YERR!!!

we belong together,

i know we will be together,

but why i can't get the feeling back,

pissed off...

i am forgetful, 

i will forget it when i awake...

nothing and everything

actually that is same for nothing and everything,

u will never can own everything forever,

when we leave the world we bring nothing along,

maybe just like what they said in the movie,

we can only bring along memories,

long or short, it also is a part of what we own....

if the memories is short than just slow down the preview speed,

then u will feel better....

what i believe and confidence in was gone,

but i think should be okay,

i still have a lot in my life....

i came to the world alone,

and i will leave alone,

i came with pure,

i leave with memories...

i want to be the only girl,

the only one that you love,

either nothing or everything.

if u can't make it,

then i will choose another path,

don't exceed my limit...

today

u told me u want to come,

i tell myself at the same time,

not to believe..

until no tears then i found,

what for i make myself become like this,

i will disappear from his world totally,

a promise to myself,

after today,

even we met at the road,

i will tend to be a stranger...

he force me to become like this,

then i accept...

thanks jia hui for her calls,

thanks shu hui for want to cook for me,

thanks sze yee for the warm hug and what u said,

thanks edan for pay me a visit...

thanks zero for hurt me deeply,

then i will not fall anymore..

i will remember today

brave

finally i can sleep tight,

too many days i didn't sleep well,

walking under the rain untill i get flu,

used up all the energy,

break down then take a sleep..

no more nightmare,

but i do have a sweet dream,

i know, it is a comfort from god...

i forget what i have dream,

it is something i shouldn't remember so i forget..

a wrong call make me awake,

i thought is you,

when i heard that sound i smile to myself,

girl, you always think too much...

my last day of holiday,

i saw jia hui and phei's msg,

but i didn't plan to reply,
leave me alone first,

i want to stand up myself...

不要爱到委曲求全，

当你卑微时还是要受伤，

那就收起来，

没有谁会因为失去了谁而活不下去，

我说过的话我要实现。

pieces

离别只是为了延续永恒的华丽，
我记得我很喜欢这句话，
我应该适应这句话。
习惯依赖着你，
好像是理所当然，
所以从来不说谢谢。
总是严厉的对你，
控制你的生活，
你已经不适应那种关心。
我不说，以为你会懂，
就算不懂，我以为你的爱可以让你离不开我，
荒唐的想法，我终究是个凡人。
我以为自己不一样，
可以让你那么久的时间离不开我，
开始自我嘲笑，太讽刺了。
对你总是可以肆无忌惮，
可以假装不爱，
却还是个高贵的公主被你捧在手心。
离开吧，我也讨厌自己了，
为什么总是这样，
我也累了，不要爱了，
一觉醒来，我会努力忘记，
不会记得你的一切。
不再挣扎，任由你伤害我，
你说不是在报复，
撕心裂肺的感觉我记得了，
没有欠你了。
那一年对你微笑的女孩，
今夜真的死了，
被无助被伤害杀死了。

deciding

daddy is sick now,

but he is worrying me,

i feel quite sorry to him...

he is asking me about the transfer matter,

he allowed, but suddenly i feel don't want to leave,

can i restart everything again...

just like the CHARMS,

burn their house and change their look,

reappear in this world,

with another identity,

but i don't even want the memory...

i feel so confuse about the trip,

what you mean now?

it is meaningless,

why i didn't reject,

i am wondering...

but is ok,

just hold it,

we will forget..

suddenly everything become tasteless today,

this make me shock,

thanks phei to be the first one comfort me...

a spoon of salt brought my sensor backed..

then, this is my holiday,

three day passed,

i did nothing but day dreamsss....

have a trip to edan chang's room,

a fabulous scene appear in front of me..

i am immersed in the diamond fragrances,

telling myself be tough,

falling in love to that smell,

it is more lasting than love...

GORGIO ARMANI - DIAMOND, EDP

break?

i feel quite funny when you ask me is it i want you to break with she,
are you kidding with me?
no, everything already happend,
then we just follow the script as you wish,
you have a new girl and i found my new guy,
lasting or not is not important,
i just need someone to love,
someone to take care of my heart,
its already broken now,
so whoever is alright for me,
cause it won't get hurt anymore...
continue my bitchy life,
i am not the girl you know,
you can just ignore me for your new girl,
don't make me wait for your msg or call,
we are nobody for each others now...
don't you tell me how deep is your love after you leave,
what respond should i pay you?
i should say thanks ya, or i am glad to hear that,
so confuse.....

kinda damn tired with this fucking life,
darling no more tears,
i should smile even is fake one,
when we meet up again,
you may not recognize who am i..
i shouldn't hate you,
but honestly i am...
i should congratz you,
sorry for late...

so now life is going on,
what i am waiting for...
i want to change a cupboard of new clothes,
shop like a shopaholic,
buy some new fragrance,
surround with noise and crazy...

reschedule

unblock company me until i saw the sun again,

but i din feel tired,

maybe like this i will feel better..

my room is damn untidy,

my mood is damn complicated,

my mind is damn full,

my heart is damn empty,

hate this type of fucking life...

alright, i will try to reschedule myself today,

so i need to

1. clean up my room

2. wash my clothes

3. tidy up my cupboards

4. rearrange my notes

5. print new notes

6. check exam timetable and chapter scope

7. done my math tutorial 3

8. memorize organic chemistry mechanism

9. redo tutorial for thermodynamics

10. reread text book for modern biology till chapter 5

11. copy back all answer for semester 3 subjects.

no more unblock, i want to done my jobsss,

its gonna be a busy day...

hehe...yippy!!

jia hui is not coming back,

she is so busy now,

all of us work hard together,

we are going to face the mid-term test again!

week 8 untill week 11 is going to busy like hell,

life will rush for study group and library,

oh my darling spirit,

please fall in love to the knowledge ya,

i need catch up so many things at once...

so challenging..

crazy on everything

OMG, i want to cut down my weight,

in any way.......

somebody tell me,

you know why girl is either too fat or too thin?

girl that is too thin because she use all her money to shopping,

so she have no money for food,

girl that is too fat because she use all her money to eat,

so she don't need to decorate herself....

ermm....then i better choose to be the first type!!<3<3<3

poison

是我把自己弄得不开心，

是我让自己陷入痛苦，

是我让一切发生，

爱情对我只是毒药，

总是让我痛不欲生，

一次又一次的受伤，

哭着醒来，哭着睡去，

我不需要折磨自己，

我要的是那么简单，

让生命像一张白纸，

拥有过就算了。

对不起，我是讲不听的死小孩，

我会尽快把自己打理好。

night

worrying my home,

flood is quite danger already,

i don't want my parents to face any problem,

im so sorry that my puppies make them in trouble...

feel so sad bout this,

everything come together,

i am so worry now..

dreaming

skip a class, i really feel unwell,
not physically, but mentally,
continue to sleep...
until i awake, thinking should i go school,
and finally i decided to go,
today have two practical...
my caring "mopeng" didn't let me walk to school,
so touch..
start my day with a sundae cone and hash brown,
but i didn't finish both of that,
maybe im not hungry...
miss chan saw i copy shui shui report,
felt so sorry to she,
i should be more alert..
after class, we went to 88,
but today have no mood to eat,
cancel my lunch,
and about dinner,
i just feel to stay in my room..
when i let go something for my family and future,
i should live better...
deactivate my facebook,
i want to leave there for some time,
concentrate in my study first,
coming test is like hill...
and today is a funny day,
i found my purse,
somebody gave back to me,
a meaningless purse backed..

i know i should get scold,
sorry for make you guys worried,
i am getting better,
day by day...

骄傲

喜欢那会杀死人的冷漠，

喜欢那被放弃的感觉，

更喜欢一个人。

lost

wakup up late again, this is normal for me,
but maybe i have not enough rest,
so i am quite blur,
forgot to take my lunch,
when i feel hungry then i only start to find my purse,
then only i found it lost,
haiz....
whats a bad day,
hate that feeling so much...
felt so sorry to my parents,
i shouldn't make so many troubles to them,
especially is now, hometown is flooding,
damn tired day, i want to take a long rest,
tomorrow will be a new day,
i will smile like usual,
surround by noise,
and i tend to forget bout what had happend before..
just a purse, meaningless,
just a call, whatever,
just some nonsense,
what to care...
thanks for who helpped me today,
especially that "mopeng" that send me to police station,
although he say i am a trouble maker,
i won't angry him...
cause i am,
admit that...
thanks to phei and long bro,
my "dad" very rich so i will have enough money use la...
damien, i will very becarefull next time,
thanks sze yee and others that had helped me..
ivan, edan, wawa and shui shui say they want to share to buy sundae cone for me,
so pity lo me, and ivan say no chocolate topping....
i laugh when i heard that,
thats the end of my sadness..


i grow in love,
i am learning to be independence now...
what i lost today is not only my purse,
i lost at the same time,
i haven wakup from my dream,
so i continue sleep and will awake tommorow...
p/s: maybe when i awake, i will found my purse on table,
and everything is just a nightmare..

海市蜃楼

心寒时有种冲动，
想飞往没有过去的未来，
正如徐徐暖风，
仍然空洞但温暖。
至少我忘了夜里的泪水，
那冷到骨子里的无助，
也许当我忘了一切，
我会有种幸福的幻想。
爱情，我配不起它，
这场游戏代价太大。

chill out and relax

sleep until awake this morn,
today i recharge myself successfully,
feel more refresh and getting better...
so surprise when someone ask me tht izit im feeling unwell,
thx for his care,
im better now...
den hang out wif edan n damien to tanjung malim,
pass by meloh,
i fall in love to the wan tan mee,
it make me feel unforgettable...
damien brought us walk around tanjung malim,
a piece town,
mayb i can live ther when im old,
drive for one hour reach KL,
drive for one hour reach genting,
drive for one hour reach kampar,
drive for one and half hour reach ipoh,
whats a excellent location...
dinner with damien's family,
we went to a quite unique stall,
there got a super spicy dish,
bihun with pepper taste soup,
i can feel the hot on my face after i drink the soup,
and it make me diarrhea,
cause i not so used to spicy food...
BUT i really love it...
maybe i can success to cut down my weight!!
on the way back kampar we stopped at tapah tol,
because today is 31st,
baskin robin have promotion,
i bought a small basket,
and i finish it with my friend...
i am quite regret now,
i thought that ice cream can't keep overnight,
it maybe not fresh,
but i am wrong,
i should buy a big one...
end of today,
a happy trip,
but quite miss my big face gor gor now, damien
is ok, we gonna meet up very soon la...

glad that i am healthy now,
i will take good care on myself,
i am my everything..